I got back from a long long week at Seattle today and had a new letter from Jake waiting for me. I can tell you it choked me up but good. I don't think he would mind my sharing. Jake has always been funny Jake, now I see in his letters that he's becoming a good man. That is what I've always wanted. He sent me a check a while ago with a letter asking me not to get mad but he had gone to those cash advance places and owed them money. He asked me to use the check to pay them off. I did but I was so mad at him and i wrote him how much it hurt me that he was so careless and broke a promise to me never to use those places. That will explain his first paragraph. Anyway here is his letter.

Mom,
I understand about your being upset about the cash advances. I think last year i've been re-finding myself. I almost lost my identity in a sense. My best friend moved away and I lost the girl I was planning on marrying one day. It's not an excuse but I took those cash advances because I was in love with her mom. All I wanted to do was see my girlfriend every weekend and I was gong to make that happen at any cost. No matter what I had to do. I loved her and I guess maybe since I hadn't been serious with any one girl before this, I did some stupid things.

I do think the Army has been good for me. It has given me a future. It's shown me that I can do anything and it's put a lot in perspective of what I want out of life. I want a family, a decent house and to be a good role model for my children. I want to be a role model and a leader for my nephews and nieces and their children. I want to inspire those close to me. Love the unloved, and be a living example of compassion and integrity. That's my mission in this world mom.

I love the Army although I never think I'll go active. I like the fact that after my mission is done, I can return to my home in Ohio. That's where I belong. I found out I can't go to ROTC till my junior year of college, However that's a good thing, it means if I stay in school I can't be deployed my first four years.(Jake enlisted for 8 years ) I know you'll like that. I'm still leaning toward a career in criminal justice, however, I am looking into being a fire fighter also. It will be one of the two, I think with either job and with my job now as an army soldier I'm proud of the steps that I have taken to improve myself.

I have been here for six weeks of basic, seven weeks if you count reception. It's insane how quickly time fly's by. These next four weeks will be over before I know it. I can't wait to see you on family day.
I had a good lesson on patience this last week. Some soldiers found out where the cell phones were hid and stole the first one they found, it was mine. Our platoon leader caught them in the bathroom talking on it. They used it after nine so it didn't go against my minutes. At first I was so pissed off and wanted to beat the crap out of the kid. I actually tried to call him out and fight him. I have just been so stressed and I couldn't believe they would do something so stupid. However, the next day our senior drill Sergeant came up to me and said I could choose to have them restarted, press charges or give them an article 15 (loss of pay). I couldn't make the choice to restart those kids mom, nor could I press charges. Suddenly I saw them for who they were, young 18 year old kids who did something stupid. They didn't target "my" cell phone, just "a" cell phone. I told out D.S. to do what he thought best but I couldn't make the choice to restart them. Our D.S. gave them article 15's, a loss of pay for one month which is what I think was best too, now that I look back on it. It was a good lesson on being humble.

I finally qualified on my weapon about three days ago. It was the best feeling ever. I was doing really bad lately. Then a Ranger who is in the Presidents top 100 shooters came up to me. The first thing he said was "Private, I'm not going to give up on you, were going to get you qualified today." So first he tells me to concentrate and explained that I was worrying too much about hitting my target. I was raising my head to see if I hit my target after every shot. Therefore I was rushing my shots. Then after some readjustments on my rifle I qualified. The Sergeant told me "See I knew you had it". The quote for basic is they break you down so they can build you back up and that's so true. I lost so much confidence after not being about to qualify. Now i'm just so proud. Even tho it's just a small accomplishment, it was so huge to me. I don't think I stopped smiling the whole day.

One of our drill Sergeants, Monigan, has been on my butt all week. I told him I wanted to race him in the 2 miles so every time when were working out now he gets in my face, smiles and says "Do you still want some of old drill Sergeant private Marvin? And every time he says that I just tell him, "Whenever you think you're ready". Whenever I say that he just smiles. All of our drill sergeants in our platoon like me. I think it's because I'm a bigger guy but I never quit and I got one of the best scores in our platoon on my pt test. I have a lot of heart and do whatever I am asked to do. They love that, it reminds me of football all over again. Well that's all for now, I love you,
Jake

Tonight about an hour after getting home from Seattle he called. I can't tell you how much I needed to hear his voice after the week I've had. He said 2 of his friends didn't pass their PT and have to restart. He was upset for them. He said he was in the top 20% for his PT scores. He said he was homesick and he said he loved me. God is watching over my boy and I'm so thankful. I just sat here and cried and cried. God has been really good to me. That's for sure. For all that I am is due to him and for the many things I'm not, he has forgives me.
I've always kind of been afraid that Jake would be punished for my sins, even though I know I'm forgiven but Jake just has gone through so much but the letters i get from him tell me God is with him. I wanted to share his letter with someone so badly so you all are the stuckees.
Suzanne

Thanks for sharing that Suzanne. To me, I always thought all that was in Jake to start with. It came out many times here and there...he just needed time to mature. That's the way it is with all our kids. God is answering your prayers. Jake has always had a praying Mom, and that's what every kid needs. It's just agony sometimes watching them grow up, make mistakes. Makes me think God must feel exactly the same...I know He doesn't worry, because He knows the beginning from the end, but it has to cause Him pain to watch us make our mistakes and stray from Him, time after time. But there He is a rejoicing Father running to meet us when we turn back, ready to put on us the best robe, and party! It makes me think of songs...He has taken me to the banquet hall, and His banner over me is love! (2:4) Announcing to the whole world..this is my beloved! Keep telling us about Jake. I so enjoy hearing about him. Tell him we're all so proud of him, and we're not surprised at all!! Love you, Lisa
(How long are you home..any chance of meeting?)

Yep I am home for a little over a week and then except for one weekend I'm gone until Sept 17th I think. Just let me know.
Thanks for the kind words about Jake. He tells me alot of funny stories such as When I talked to Jake I asked about UMOP. I'm not sure I shared that one with you, UMOP was the kid the D.S. (Drill Sargents) dubbed UMOP which stood for (Ugliest Man on Post). I feel bad for him having such a mean nick-name, no one seems to know his real name. UMOP he said was also a kid, that wet his pants the first week. Jake said every time they are about to go out for anything where they might be gone for awhile someone tells that kid to make sure he uses the bathroom. He said UMOP gets so mad and calls them all names and yells you guys aren't my mama. Jake heard UMOP isn't going to graduate. He messed up something, Jake said he is a really nice kid.
I asked about the kid that Jake told me about that brought 2 stuffed animals to boot camp and he said that was Casey. I asked if they were small like Beenie Babies and he said no and that he tried to hide them under his bunk. He said they were just like little kids stuffed animals, one was a chicken. The D.S. yelled "What's this" when they found them and Casey said he brought them so he wouldn't loose himself. The D.S.s did alot of cussing and it didn't go to good from there I understand. He also said a couple of weeks ago Casey went up to Jake and said Man I wish my girlfriend would write to me. Jake asked him if he had written her and he said he had over 9 times. So the first chance he got he called her and she said for him not to call her anymore. Jake said he didn't really know what to say but he told Casey you may have to face that she's not really your girlfriend anymore Casey. Casey seemed clueless as to why Jake would think that.
He said there was one guy who joined the army because his parents wouldn't let him out of his room. He is a real computer geek and he spends most of his time writing how to win different computer games. He keeps saying when he gets home he's going to have a Dominos Oreo Cookie pizza because he's been craving one. Jake asked him what they taste like and he said he didn't know, he never had one before. When they were running in formation they weren't allowed to be more than 5 meters apart. Jake ended up carrying his M16 along with some others and he had to go back and bring him up with the group and he did that by literally grabbing his clothes and pulling him along as they ran. Later he told Jake he thought he did much better with Jake pulling him and wandered if he could pull him along whenever he had to run. Jake said he couldn't help but laugh. Most of the kids are there and ready for bootcamp but some of these kids didn't really have an idea of what to expect. It surprises Jake.
He said another platoon was graduating and it was family day. He said they never get to hardly see any girls so his platoon was standing there in formation as this really "hot" girl was walking up to them, the drill sargent yelled "FACE LEFT' so they all turned and could watch her while standing at attention. Then as she walked by the D.S. yelled "FACE RIGHT" so they all turned in formation again but could watch her walk away. He said it was funny. Then one day they saw a really pretty girl on base in their area and they were all saying who's that? Then jake said ohhhh that has to be the D.S. girl, we can't get caught looking at her and just as he said that the D.S. walked up behind them and told them to smack their faces. (That means to do pushups) He said they had to do about 50 pushups for getting caught looking. He said about 45 of the guys have been going to the Jewish Service, they keep telling the D.S. they are new converts to the faith. They do that because they get cookies and brownies at the Jewish service. The rest go to the BX and buy about 8 boxes of cough drops just to have something semi-sugary. The D.S keeps yelling at them saying I know you guys don't have a cough. But Jakes letters not only tell me the funny stories rather they give me an insight as to where Jake is at. He has 2 other guys who read the bible with Jake and try and keep each other accountable. He has spoken about one boy who tried to commit suicide. He has spoken about his accomplishments and his feelings and life and God. I feel he is growing into a good man. That makes me so happy. Call me Lisa and let me know when and I'll be there.
But his stories really do make me laugh.