You know what? When Mike asked at last Sundays service to say a few things that tempt us, someone said pride and I really didn't get that. I've been thinking about it since and I think I can see where pride and resentment could go hand and hand with each other and I also didn't think I had an issue with pride at all. Last January my son totalled his car, I have had my car paid off forever and it was 12 years old now so I just gave him my car and decided with all the long trips I've been making it's time to upgrade even though I detest a car payment. Well I really liked the new Nissans, alot, I think they look fine but I liked the reliability that I felt the toyotas and/or honda's have a reputation for. And I always wanted an SUV, so I thought about maybe getting one of those new small ones, I loved that commercial where the guy is driving his liberty and the animals and birds, fly and jump in the car and sing with the driver and then the wolf swallows the bird and spits him back outand continues singing "baby, baby". I just love that and I could see myself driving my little SUV with a sun roof through the mountains singing and enjoyed life (like i have one) but after I thought about it a few weeks I had narrowed down my search. Once choice was a Camry. An engineer at work heard me discussing the pros and cons with a co-worker and told me not to get a Camry, he said that was just like every other car, there was nothing special about it and it wasn't rememberable and I should go with the Nissan. So push come to shove and I bought the Camry and to be even more non-special (frugal really) i bought a 3 year old Camry with low mileage. So I'm feeling very "proud" of myself for not letting my "pride" influence me and I've just been so convinced that I'm not affected by pride and then...... well last night I washed my car and polished it all up. As i was driving in to work today I was just happily looking around as I drove, at all the other cars on the road and I was thinking how much better my car looked than everyone elses and I just knew all the other drivers were wishing their car looked like mine and I was certain they had to be wishing they were me. Ha! Okay well it wasn't quite that over the top but I did drive all the way in thinking how much better my car looked than theirs and I was sure they were envious. That's pretty bad. Maybe pride is an issue afterall. My list of faults is getting pretty darn long! Argh!

It's always right there beside me. I can feel like a worm one minute then let something go right, and it's right there thinking "I'm all that and a bag of chips". I gross myself OUT.
I think that is the most common sin in all of us, and it can be deadly. I try to constantly confess it soon as it rears it's ugly little head...God make me hyper aware of it. Amen.

Maybe pride is an issue afterall. My list of faults is getting pretty darn long! Argh!

And Jesus blood covers them all...He stands in the gap of what we are and what we are created to be. Thank God.

Hey,
I can honestly say that I've never actually thought that anyone would want my car or to be me. I know that as a teenager and young adult, I usually wanted to be someone else or at least be just like them.
Now...I don't find myself dwelling on anyones specific life unless I'm getting to know them and they're sharing a story about what's going on in their lives. But the thought process doesn't really go to that. What I do sometimes, though, is wish I could do more than just care for Mom. That maybe in God's plan for me, He would include something besides almost constant trials and tribulations. It makes me impatient sometimes but only if I continue to focus on it. Some situations and people tend to bring that out in me more....you know...how you have people or situations that seem to bring out the not so good parts of who we are or the not so sanctified parts. Anyway....It's two weeks today that Mom's been here and all is good. She's settled in and has what she needs for me to take care of her. It has been a really busy and difficult two weeks. My dog emptied his entire intestinal tract onto my carpet in 3 areas. It must have been two gallons....ugh. We cleaned it up the best we could but I'm getting new carpet. Just in certain areas though. It's short commercial-grade carpet and totals only about $200 in total. Maybe a little more for tax.
So that is a real blessing as we'll be able to get that done and a bathroom exhaust fan for obvious reasons including mold growth.
God provided for everything though and I'm so happy about it.
Sometimes I think we take the thoughts the enemy puts into our heads and instead of just knowing it's the arena of darkness, we take that on ourselves. Today, I thought of something stupid I had done and in my thoughts, I thought,"You are so stupid". Immediately, I knew where to send that thought packing. Even if it were true, God just doesn't want us dwelling on things like that about ourselves because it's typically not healthy. so I just went on with my day and it was great. I did struggle in other ways such as just being mean spirited toward people I saw out in public today. I was at Aldis picking up some stuff and I just had a wall up with people like it was all about me. I just didn't notice others or even want to. I just wanted to get my stuff for my family and get out of there. Sometimes and especially the more I'm in the house, I tend to think everything is all about and revolves around what's happening here. I guess when people are so used to everything always being about them, it's really hard when the spotlight might be on someone else. The insecurity sets in. I'm so used to being in the public at work. I loved when Walmart was crowded and I really had to move at the courtesy desk or as a Customer Service Manager. It was just what I was into. I was so used to it being about so many people and looking out for their needs and interests. Now I'm in the house constantly and it is weird when I go out because I'm not as focused on others. TMI
Anyway.....I guess there's pride in there somewhere. Ok, like I feel prideful about caring for my Mom. Like I'm Mother Teresa or something. I can sometimes identify with the Pharoah because God has really confronted me on some things and it has been difficult but I knew that I needed it. I'm really tired right now. I think I'll go take a short nap. My husband, Ken, came home with a pinched nerve in the back middle of his shoulder. I gently stretch his neck and gave him a flexeril. I almost always have them for when mine flares up. I have a problem with my neck. There was an MRI done and showed damage to the 5th and 6th vertebrae. It's called being swan-necked. It looks in the image like my neck bones are all non-parallel. There are a couple of bone spures also. When it flares up, I have Ken stretch my neck and I take a flexeril and go to bed. When I pray, God really helps to cause the pain to be very numbed. Anyway...have a great day.

Hey Michaiah, i didn't really mean anyone would want to be me personally or wanted my plain little car, I was exagerating a bit to lighten it up. What I meant was I knew others would be envious because my car was so clean and shiny and looked so good when everyones was covered with salt, after the storm we had, everyones car just looked so bad. My little camry just looked so shiny and good. I was all pumped up over such a silly little thing.
Regarding wanting to do more. Please don't forget that God loves a servants heart. I think you are probably experiencing just how tough it is to have to be consumed with caring for others needs full time and putting your self last. It just has to be so hard. Mother Teresa must have had those experiences every day. It was later in life that she received recognition for her service but I think she would have continued on regardless of whether she was ever recognized at all. If you read some of her letters, there was time I think she thought somewhat dark thoughts. Caring for others is not an easy job. Then there was Jesus himself, he taught us what it was to serve. Your in good company. Hang in there I've been praying for you.

Thanks for the prayers. They always help. My husband is more the one that puts himself way last. But I do the big stuff on caring for Mom but he is there to help in any way he can. My daughter's really good about it too. Doing something else with my life now or later is also focusing on others. It's just a different type of service. Sometimes it's not just about being recognized. It just so happens that when people do stuff, they get recognized. That's not necessarily a bad thing or a self-seeking thing. We all want attention and we all want to be a part of things whether we say so or not. I don't mind being recgonized. It doesn't mean I'm great or prideful or arrogant. Sometimes I don't mind not being recognized. It is amazing how much misunderstanding there is just in written communication. Even spoken. We want to make a connection but what we're really trying to say or communicate gets lost or somehow not taken for how it was meant. Anyway...have a great day. Things are well today. Mom is fine and we're all just hangin' and cleaning things up a bit. Ken's shoulder is feeling better too. bye-bye, mc