Been depressed over Ma.

Hi Michaiah,

I read your post and I prayed for you. Thank you for sharing. God made you a special and unique person. He loves you and we on this forum love you because we are your brothers and sisters in Christ. I'd like to request that you contact the New Creation Counseling Center at 937-667-4678. You should not be feeling so sad and they are awesome people with special skills to help.

Also, please focus on your many blessings. I have a special needs child who we adopted. His biological mother drank alcohol while she was pregnant. He is both mentally retarded and mentally ill. Caring for him is so hard everyday that it can drive me to tears. Recently a family moved in next door to us. Their child has cerebral palsy. He is many times more difficult to care for than my son. Perhaps God sent him to remind me that my son is a true blessing that I should be thankful for. You have son and daughter. What a blessing from God.

Praying for you.
Your brother in Christ,
Mark

Michaiah,

I just noticed the sermon topic for this weekend at Ginghamsburg.

A Faith That Works: God's Purpose In Pain - When faced with trials, it's easy to turn to the familiar question: "why?" In faith, it’s not about the WHY--it's about the WILL of God.

Sounds like a good one for us both. I hope you will be there.

In Christ,
Mark

Hi Michaiah;
I too want to urge you to call the Counseling Center, if it is like it was years ago, they will not charge you above what you can afford. I took my son there when he was in 8th grade after he lost a friend to suicide and he told me there were times he didnt want to live anymore. It scared me deeply. The lady who counseled him actually gave him some steps he could actively do when he felt as he did. It helped.
I understand somewhat what you are going through in terms of your mother as my father has pancreatic cancer and has lived past the expectations but is in the last stages of his life. I have been so anxious about how my life is changing in so many areas, it seems every area almost is going through a major change. For lent I decided what I really needed to do most of all was get back to a daily time devoted to God. My life is so hectic, work days are so long and between work where I travel moderately and my father who lives 500 miles away and I try and travel once a month to see I'm just tired. Last week I was in Seattle, and I knew I was to go back the last week of the month but this week I learned I have to be on the road again the 3rd week of the month as well. I wanted to cry, it seems too much at times. Anyway back to the point, I never have read the entire book by Rick Warren "The Purpose Driven life". I started reading it once and my sister in law had just lost her parents, she was visiting and well to make a long story short I gave her my copy, I finally bought it again but I'm always reading and at the time had several books started and wanted to finish them before starting a new one, I never really picked it up again. Anyway once again back to the point, I am in Georgia and visiting my dad this week. Dementia is setting in now and he knows it. He has days where he is in a fog and doesn't understand the simpliest things, he doesn't know where he is at or why their are ants on his bed or on the door (There are not any ants) or who the visitors are walking past the bed (there are no visitors). He asked my mom the other day to put a picture of his kids where he could see them so he wouldn't forget them. It broke my heart. Tuesday night he wouldn't let go of my hand. He said he couldn't say how he felt and just wanted to hold my hand. Oh my, it feels overwhelming. But then yesterday in just Day 2 of Purpose Driven Life I read a verse from Isaiah 46:3-4. "I have carried you since you were born: I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you." (NCV) What a timely message from God, it spoke to my heart, although I can't see it, God is taking care of my dad. He has taken care of my dad since he was just a spark in my grandmothers eye and he continues to take care of him now. I can come down and help for a week with his basic bodily needs but God has him in his hands. He has your mother as well. I know i need to hold on to these words when things get tough because if I take my sight off them, I can very easily get swallowed up by the hardship of it all and the pain I feel I'm facing with loosing my dad. I'm praying for you Michaiah. Stay close to God and seek somebody to talk to during these hard days.
In Him
Suzanne

Michaiah,
Don't give up as our God is a God of hope.

I do have a concern about your leading a small group while you're struggling with ideas of suicide. As leaders we need to be careful we are leading others down the correct path. I'm not sure someone who is currently having repeated thoughts of suicide is in the correct frame of mind to be leading others.

On the other hand, once you're out of that frame of mind you can be a strong leader and your example can help others. There is a time and a place but I think some outside insight (counseling) should be used before you begin your leadership role.

Hello Mark,
Thank you for your words of encouragement.

Michaiah,

Well, we are glad that you posted here. Please keep us up to date on how things are going with you if you feel comfortable with that. I am glad you are attending church and continuing in counseling. The sermon for this weekend should be up and available by Tuesday afternoon.

God is good!

In Christ,
Mark

Thank you Suzanne for your story.

feelin' better about ma.

Amen

Mark