As we move into this third week in the series of Desperate Households, this has been a challenging, yet powerful series. Has this series blessed you? I believe in every desperate household, for every follower of Jesus, there is always what I would call a defining moment. For me, I'm thinking about several defining moments. One that comes to mind is getting a license to drive. Another defining moment is committing to over twelve years in my relationship with my lovely wife Jeannette. Another defining moment was receiving my doctorate in ministry from United Theological Seminary. But my greatest defining moments were on May 26, 1996, and December 6, 1997, when I became a parent. These moments have been huge for me because I realize that more than ever before, parenting is a calling that comes from God.

Parenting is about being a good steward of that which God has entrusted to you. I love what it says in Psalms 127:3, it reminds us that children are a gift that comes from God. Parenting for me has not only been such a memorable time in my life, but it also seems like it's been the most challenging time in my life as well. Talking about challenges…growing up having dysfunctional parents in my own life, and then when Jeannette and I were blessed to have Lauren and Trey, we didn't get a "how-to" manual on parenting. I don't know about you, but parenting is both gratifying and grueling. Can anybody relate to that? I know you don't want to talk; your kids are sitting next to you right now. But the good news is that today God has given us instructions and directions on the importance of purposeful parenting.

Today's teaching will come from Ephesians 6:1-4. Hear these words from the apostle Paul, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother - which is the first commandment with a promise - so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Let's go to God in prayer. God, we give You great thanks right now for the time of worship we've had, the time of giving we've committed back to You. Now, God, let us grow deeper in Your word through this moment. Holy Spirit, get me out of the way. Work through me in spite of me. Lord, let ears be unclogged, let hearts be opened so that we can understand what it means to be a purposeful parent. It's in Jesus' name we do pray, and we all say together. Amen."

Purposeful parenting requires a few things, and one of the things the Apostle Paul teaches us is that in order to be a purposeful parent, we have to live with healthy models. Verse 1 says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Paul gives us the model on how to be a purposeful parent. So whether you are a single parent, a stepparent, or a legal guardian; one of the greatest gifts we could ever give our children isn't a Playstation 3. It isn't an X-Box or a Wii. Some of you kids would probably beg to differ with that. We are called to live with a healthy model, not a perfect model, but a healthy model that reflects and clearly defines boundaries and totally demonstrates God's love. Healthy boundaries are established and set, not just by what we say, but even more so by what our kids see us doing on a daily basis.


A couple of weeks ago, I had this untimely and very uncomfortable encounter with my daughter. Parents, I had a conversation that many of you have dreaded, you've been ignoring this conversation, but I had "the" conversation. A couple of weeks ago, my family went through its daily routine. We got up in the morning, my wife and I had our coffee, we turned on "Good Morning, America," our kids got dressed for school, they went down to the basement and got ready to start their day. As we're going through the routine, at about 7:25, I hear from the basement, "WHAT!?" I didn't know what was going on, I ran downstairs and the breaking news, 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears of Zoey 101, Brittany Spears' baby sister, is pregnant. This is a sitcom on Nickelodeon, and I don't know Zoey 101 from Zoey 102. I don't know anything about it, but from the response of my daughter Lauren, she was pretty much confused and was shocked about this news. I asked her about it, "Lauren, what's going on?" I don't know if she was confused because Jamie is 16, or the mere fact that it was Zoey. I didn't know what was going on but found out that there was this big commotion, this big controversy, whether or not they were going to keep Zoey 101 on the air, but it had such high ratings. Were they going to take it off or keep it on?

So now is the moment of confusion, and I asked Lauren, who is 11 years old, "Lauren, what do you think should happen?" And as with any 11-year-old, she looked back at her dad because dad has all the answers, right? She said, "Dad, what do you think?" I was sitting there thinking, "Oh Lord, help me, Holy Spirit!" I don't know it all, but my daughter does, that's real cool, but I don't know it all. And the Holy Spirit brought back a conversation, that some of you might remember, that Lauren asked me about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. I can clue you in, she asked about how they had all these kids and they're not married? It seems like I always get caught in these "parental conversational drive-bys." I don't know why I always get caught and I guess I don't know what God is doing, but I said, "Lauren, remember that conversation about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? Remember how I told you how marriage is a covenant from God and how children are a gift from God? And remember if you do things in the right model, in the right manner, God will continue to bless you?" She said, "No." I said, "Lauren, you remember the model and the pattern! College…"  She said, "Oh yeah, college, career, marriage and family." Every parent say this with me: college, career, marriage and family! I said, "Lauren, that's the same model that applies to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and it's the same model and the same path that's for Zoey 102!" She said, "101, Dad!" I said, "It's the same thing for Zoey as well."

Parents, we must understand that it's not the responsibility of the media to raise our children. But I love what Proverbs 22:6 says, "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." The church does have a responsibility in training our children, but at the end of the day, it's not Lebron James' responsibility. Not Miley Cyrus, better known as Hannah Montana. Not Brittany or Zoey. It's our responsibility to create healthy models that can set up our kids for success. It's our responsibility to help our kids make the right decisions so when they get older, they will make the right choices in life. We are called to set up and define healthy models for our children, and when we do this, they have the pattern to follow throughout their lives. Look at verse 2, "Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with a promise." I believe one of the stumbling blocks right now that's created dissension and brokenness in a lot of our young people, is when they fail to honor and follow the models that have been set in the Lord by godly parents. When children fail to honor and follow these models that we've established, not only will they miss the mark for their lives, but many will experience failure simply because they don't follow the patterns and the principles that we have set forth in their lives. When I think about this passage, Paul lays it out in verse 2 and repeats the same words that Moses spoke in Deuteronomy 5:16. Moses said, clearly, "Honor your father and your mother as the Lord has commanded." I believe right now, far too many parents - not parents here but the folks who were here last week - think this is old-fashioned, that these are old commandments and principles. Many think that they don't have any power with this new understanding of parenting. I want you to know that God has called us to be first of all parents, and healthy models to our children, and then after that we can be friends and give them certain things. But first, we are called to give healthy models and boundaries to our children.

Many children are struggling right now with honoring us, because they get mixed signals. They don't know who we are, we're their parents and they don't even really know how to honor and obey and follow the instructions that we've laid out for their lives. I want to speak to all the children right now. Children, one of the best ways that you can honor your parents, and let us know that we are doing a decent job is to put into action all the Godly principles that we have given to you.

The other day, we were in our worship design meeting and Dan, our graphic guy, our Mission Minute man, reminded us how this has demonstrated such a healthy way of being a model in his life, and how it really reflected in his life, and he was drawn back to his junior high school journal about his reflections on his parents. Let's check out Dan's story. Dan, tell them about what happened in junior high.

Dan: I was just reading this a week ago and it just so happened that we were talking about parents this week. So, I found a couple of entries, the first says, "I hate math! I'm too embarrassed to get help. My parents' expectations of me are too high. But I respect them for that, though. Their high expectations have helped me exceed my goals. Without my parents, I would be crap!" The second one was this, "I've noticed that one of my goals in life is to follow exactly in my parents' footsteps. How they met, how they married, when they had their first child, and how they parent. They're perfect to me. They are the perfect role models and the perfect heroes. One thing though, I'm caught up in the idea that things won't work for me if I don't do it the exact same way they did." So, as a junior in high school, that's what I was telling myself about my parents.

Pastor Bowie: Isn't that pretty neat? Let's give Dan's parents a handclap. Parents, hear me real close, you don't even realize the impact that you have in the lives of your kids, so I want you to know, it's really not about you, but it's setting up healthy models so that people like Dan and every other kid can follow, and fully fulfill their life purpose. When they follow these healthy models, when they learn to follow those instructions, their lives are enriched. Look at verse 3, when you follow these, "so that all may go well with you, and you may enjoy a long enriched life here on earth." When you follow these commandments and these promises of God, it becomes somewhat of an antidote, or an infusion to help you fulfill your life purpose. It's so imperative that we realize that God's promises have great value in and for our life. When children have these healthy models to follow, their lives are blessed and they are extremely enriched. Children, whenever you follow God's words and obey God's promises, not only are you blessed, but you become a source of blessing to so many other people, merely by what your parents are doing. Parents, every day we are called to sow godly principles and seeds into their lives.

Some of you parents are saying right now, "Bowie, this is hard work! I don't see any effects of how we're trying to live. It seems like our kids are steadily making crazy mistakes." Well, at one time, you made crazy mistakes too! That's what kids do. But Galatians 6:9 says to not grow weary in doing good, to not grow weary in sowing seeds, for in due season you would reap a great harvest if you don't quit. Parents, God wants you to keep sowing those seeds. Sometimes you don't see the benefit, but every promise that God has given to you will have impact and lifelong eternal consequences in the lives of your kids. The seeds that you sow today, will have a huge impact in your children’s lives and in your children's children's lives. But don't grow weary in doing well.

As I was thinking about how planting seeds is so important, I was reminded of a young guy by the name of Jack Davis whom I saw on TV a couple weeks ago. Jack is twelve years old and lives in Miami, Florida. Jack has been very instrumental in passing a bill into legislation that prohibits restaurants from not being sued to give food to non-profits and ministries around the Florida area. Jack went on vacation to Tennessee and saw food being thrown away in restaurants. Then back home in Florida, he saw all this food being thrown away in restaurants. It's against the law to give leftover food, because they could be liable. But Jack said, "Mom, Dad, I see tons of food being thrown away, but I see thousands of people going to bed hungry every night. Something isn't right!" Jack had seeds planted within his life. His parents taught him early on, if you see there is a problem in the world, don't wait for other people to fix it; you have to try to fix it yourself. Jack took that to heart, seeing people hungry, seeing food being thrown away. So Jack wrote a letter to his state representative. He didn't just write a letter, but he went to serve in homeless shelters and soup kitchens because Jack wanted to do something. Jack began to move forward with the seeds that had been planted by his parents. Because of Jack receiving this healthy model, there is now a bill that is coming to law called "The Florida Restaurant Lending A Helping Hand Act." Because this kid saw a healthy model and moved forward - he made a difference. Not only is Jack's life blessed, but so many other people are enriched because parents planted a seed. Parents, your life will not only bless your kids, but numerous people will be blessed, and lives will be enriched because you are setting an example. We are always called to lead by example.

Look at verse 4, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the way and the instruction of the Lord." When I got to this scripture, I was asking, "Why does this seem redundant?" We just talked about living a model. But it's amazing how it says, Fathers comma. Do you see that? It lets me know why I'm struggling so much as a father, because it's a challenge, and there's more expected of us dads as being the leaders in our home. It clearly says "fathers" and we have a huge responsibility to lead by example.

Last week, Pastor Mike and Carolyn told us what it means to love our wives, and Mike reminded us how to lead so that all of our family members could experience all that God has for them. Every wife wants a husband to lead with spiritual maturity. One thing Paul says here is, fathers, you have a huge responsibility to lead by example. I want every father to catch this: your presence in your family's life is critical for setting everybody up for success. So instead of just always buying presents, make sure you have presence in your home with your family. Dads, please catch this, I'm passionate about this point right here. You might say, "Bowie, I don't know all the Bible." Guess what, God has called you to be a father, so be present in their life to set up everybody in your family for success. I've come to realize that kids don't want a perfect dad, but they want a dad who can admit when he screws up and has downright blown it.

I can so relate to this. A couple of months ago, my Isuzu Trooper died. I don't know what happened; it just died for over a month. One of the members of the church let me borrow their car and on this one day, I had a whole bunch of errands to run. I had a lot of "honey-do's" - I had to do a lot of things. So I was rippin' and runnin' - had to pick up Trey and Lauren from school and I had a ton of other things to do. As I was running these errands, I did something most dads don't do. Maybe moms do this, but most dads don't do this. I broke the law by disobeying the speed limit. Dads usually don't do this, moms have heavy feet, you know. Can I get a witness, dads? Help me out here. But two weeks ago, because I broke the law, I got an email. People always tell me, "Bowie, return your emails!" So I saw this one email, and in the subject line it said, "God is always watching." I opened that email and thought, "Oh Lord, what is this?" The email said I had a ticket; I had been caught speeding, and I owed $85. First, I was ready to deny it as many dads would probably want to do. Second, I was feeling like crap because I was irresponsible for speeding in somebody else's car. This is my moment of therapy. Finally, I wasn't going to tell anyone. Not even my family, because I'm called to lead by example. Not even Mike Slaughter, because he would have told everybody! So, I was feeling bad, but to top it all off, I couldn't deny it because there's this huge picture they show. This guy has personalized license plates, so his plate is on there, and you could see me doing my thing. Now, I was at the dinner table, I finally had to tell my kids. My kids looked at me and said, "Dad, you got busted!" We started laughing, and at that moment, I realized how we could laugh even at one of my screw ups. Right there, I thought about how many other dads have messed up, maybe not breaking the law, but you've done something and you've hidden it. You've been filled with shame and condemnation. You feel like you've missed the mark, and you weren't going to tell anybody, but we have to remember that all of us fall short of God's glory for our lives. But the good thing about it, one thing Jesus does in our lives, even though when we screw up, we can laugh at our mistakes is because of God's amazing grace.

I don't know where you are today, but right now I believe some parents are in denial. You're probably saying, "Bowie, I don't have it all together." No, none of us do because we are all broken people. But every day, when you can come to that place in your life, and say, "Hey, God, I've messed up. I've blown it," then and only then, transformation begins to take place. God wants us to get out of denial, get out of shame, and get out of this moment of condemnation. Parents, I believe right now, God wants to begin to do a new thing in your life. I want you to look in your bulletin - there is a bookmark. We wanted to give you a reminder of what it means to be a purposeful parent. This bookmark will be a constant reminder to you of what it means to really lead by example, so they can live a life that would totally honor God and bless other people.  Look at the bookmark and let's read this together. "As a parent, I commit to: spending daily time in the word. Praying daily for my children and together as a family. Affirming each child as an individual created in Christ's likeness. Investing in intentional time together as a family."

Maybe there are parents who feel like you've blown it, but today is a day of new beginnings. Old things have passed and behold, all things are new. Let's pray. God, we give You great thanks right now, for this moment of freedom, for this moment of affirmation, for truly, dear God, parenting is a calling, and our children are truly a gift that comes from You. So, Holy Spirit, remove the guilt from the dads, remove that pain from that single mom. Lord, give that legal guardian everything that they need to raise Your children to experience good success. Lord, we give You great thanks, and we praise You for these instructions in purposeful parenting. It's in Jesus' name we pray, and let every child of God say together, Amen.