Main Scripture Reference - Matthew 5:21-22
Other Scripture References: Matthew 25:45; Matthew 15:19; Matthew 5:48; I John 3:15; Romans 12:18; James 1:19-20

INTRO–‘Relationships are Complicated’

If one thing is for sure it is that relationships are complicated. And the first time you have real anger directed towards you from someone you love, you realize how fragile relationships can be. Anger, however is an emotional energy everyone has; the question is how do you deal with it and resolve it in a healthy way? In actuality how you deal with your anger ultimately affects all your relationships including your relationship with God.

• In your opinion what is the most complicated part of being in relationships?


• Name some things that really tick you off? How do you normally react in the moment when those situations arise?

THE ISSUE–‘The Primacy of Relationship’Read Matthew 25:45 & Matthew 15:19

In the ‘Sermon on the Mount’ Jesus intentionally shifts the people’s focus from the primacy of the law to the primacy of relationships. He begins to define righteousness as not only obeying the law but in how people treat one another. In essence Jesus is saying that you can’t separate being in right relationship with God from being in right relationship with people. This new definition of righteousness goes beyond just the physical acts and into having right attitudes. It is embodying the attitude and character of Jesus that God desires and then that you will become more like Jesus in all your actions. Read Matthew 5:48

• Has a soured relationship ever kept you from really being close to God? What happened?


• Have you ever experienced a broken close relationship because of an outburst of anger? Can you explain?

THE PROBLEM–‘Anger Can Kill’Read Matthew 5:21-22 & I John 3:15

In dealing with murder Jesus is clear that anger is just as bad because anger too can kill the spirit and esteem of someone without even touching them. Unchecked anger kills both relationally and in intimacy. In fact the word used in this passage means a brooding type of anger that continually builds and festers in someone soul so that they eventually create chaos and destruction, focusing on the negative of another instead of celebrating who God created them to be. A loving attitude however, not only keeps you from killing someone physically, but also keeps you from killing someone emotionally with harsh and demeaning words that are usually anger driven.

• How long do you normally hold on to your anger without resolving it? Are you brooding over something right now that needs to be resolved?


• How would you describe your focus and attitude toward another person when you become really angry with them? How does this shape your reaction to them?

THE SOLUTION–‘Commitment to Resolution’Read Romans 12:18 & James 1:19-20

How do you deal with anger when it arises? The key is to make an ongoing commitment to resolving anger when it appears before it has time to do un-repairable damage. The first thing you must do is to always be proactive to make things right even when another person is wrong or isn’t even necessarily seeking forgiveness. Secondly don’t let anger become about you, turning it inside. As James says, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

• Name a relationship that needs mending and/or forgiveness so that you can truly be reconciled with that person again.


• What action/s do you need to take to become more pro-active in dealing with your anger?