Good morning, church. It is always a delight to be with you, especially this morning as we come to the last message in our series on relationships. As you know, we’ve traveled quite a bit and picked up a lot of tools to help us on the way. We began by learning how to manage our anger to better equip us for the journey. Then we reviewed the ability to navigate though broken trust and the painful experiences we’ve had so we could learn how to forgive for good, reach brand new heights and start afresh. And that permitted us to increase our integrity quotient. Ultimately we moved on and can understand what it truly means to love and forgive our enemies. Today we move on to our last message in the series about marriage, taking a look at God’s perspective and God’s initial purpose on marriage and what it means to have a commitment for life.

Marriage has been challenging and difficult for a very, very, very long time. Even when we go back to Jesus’ time we learn that marriage was challenging and difficult. There was a Pharisee - I don’t know whether he had an argument with his wife that morning or not - but he asked Jesus, “Can a couple go through a divorce for any reason at all?” That question is still being asked today. Can you believe that marriage was difficult even two thousand years ago? Well, it was and guess what? It’s still difficult and has many challenges today. In fact, there’s a publication you can subscribe to called Divorce Magazine. How would you like to come home and your spouse tells you, “Well, honey, we’ve got a new magazine subscription and it’s sitting on the table.” The magazine has some startling statistics in it like: 49% of all marriages still end in divorce today, in 2010, and even though 82% of marriages will reach their five year anniversary, only 52% will reach year 15. When it comes to Christians their statistics are not much better. Geore Barna from the Barna Research Institute puts it this way. He says, “We’ve got to the point where there is no longer a stigma with divorce. It’s often seen now as a rite of passage to the next relationship.”

I have a sister, her name is Sandra, and we call her Sandy. Sandy is a successful attorney in Washington and former president of the Woman’s Bar Associate and she just went through a horrendous divorce that cost $30,000+ to navigate through. We were talking and she said, “Brian, you know, they ought to make it a lot more difficult to get married considering all the pain and the challenges that come when you have to go through a divorce.” We talked about how God feels about divorce, and we lifted up the fact that God hates divorce like we do. We hate it for the same reason that God hates it, which is because it hurts the people God loves. Let me say that again. God hates divorce and so do we, because it hurts the people that God loves. The fact of the matter is that divorce does not discriminate. It doesn’t matter your color, age, social economic background or the number of years you’ve been married, it can happen to any relationship. We saw it this past week when the former vice president Al Gore and Tipper Gore said they are calling it quits after 40 years! We look at them and ask, “If it can happen to them can it happen to us?” And the answer is, absolutely!

It used to be the seven-year itch. We found right around year seven is when the highest rate of divorce took place. It’s now moved to the 20-year itch. This year the highest rate of divorce takes place is right around year 20. God knew marriage was going be challenging and difficult, that’s why throughout this series on relationships we’ve been looking to our life coach Jesus and the insight he’s provided for us through the Sermon on the Mount. In Matthew 5:32, he lifts up the fact that on some occasions divorce will be inevitable and he mentions adultery. There are other places in the Bible talking about how abuse leads to divorce. The good news is that even after divorce, God can lead us to a brand new discovery in our relationship with Jesus. It’s never over with Jesus Christ, and we are able start brand new.

This morning we will take a look at what God had in mind, what his purpose was for marriage in the beginning and what it takes to have this commitment for life. Please pray with me.

Dear God, we come into Your presence, recognizing You as the source of deliverance, source of hope, source of wisdom, knowledge and understanding. God, You are the one who instituted the covenant of marriage and You designed it for specific purpose so we ask that You would invite us into your presence now, God, and open our ears, eyes, hearts, mind and understanding so that we might hear afresh and anew what it means to be committed and make a commitment for life. So let it be, in Jesus' name. Amen.

What was the original purpose and what is this commitment for life all about? That same question was proposed to our life coach, Jesus. In Matthew 19, Jesus refers back to Genesis and this is what he says, “Haven’t you read that at the beginning the creator made them male and female and said for his reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh?” One flesh. The two will become one flesh. Now to understand the implication of that let’s take a step back, put the car in park, don’t cut it off but just leave it in neutral for a minute and walk with me. This is what God had in mind. In the beginning all of us were created in God’s image. The invisible God created us in his image and then he housed us, put on flesh, and allowed us to have mobility so that he could take the invisible image to a visible reality and create a brand new world where we are all connected as his family. We were created in this invisible image but he didn’t leave us hanging. He said, “I’m going to show you what the invisible looks like.” Jesus came into the picture and became the visible image of the invisible God. When we want to know what God looks like we look towards Jesus. When we want to know the characteristics of God, we look towards Jesus. We’re able to take this flesh and what it brings to the table in order that we might live in God’s creative power. But God didn’t leave us there, he said, “Ok, I’m going to make you different than the lower animals, you’re going do more than just procreate and multiply. I’m going to create a covenant where you come into relationship with one other person. And in coming together as one in spirit, because you’re both made in my image, two flesh will become one. By becoming one with each other, you will become the basic building block on which the kingdom of God will be multiplied. It started with that one relationship with Christ and now we are to make that image visible in our relationships. God is allowing us to come together, just like Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit are one. God says I’m going to allow you to experience the joy of that unity. I’m going come together with you and one spouse and we’re going to create this brand new world.

The challenge is that all relationships require work. Marriage requires work. Work, work, work, and work. We have to work on our stuff before we can start working on our spouse’s stuff. Our natural tendency is to work on the other side. It reminds me of my Administrative Assistant, Catherine, who has a two-year-old granddaughter. Her granddaughter has this saying whenever she is given an instruction to work on something such as eating her peas, or brushing her teeth. She stops and she thinks about it and then says, “Oh no, I can’t want that.” I can’t want that. Often in our marriage relationships we get to the point where we work on the other half. We know we should work on our own stuff, but there’s something that goes off in our head that tells us “I can’t want that.”

Two years ago in our relationship, Candace and I were on vacation with the kids. We were kayaking and going dolphin watching with an instructor. The instructor told us told us that since we were in two different kayaks, in order to stay together, we were going to have to use our oars and work to stay together. It’s the same thing with marriage. Left to our intentions we drift, and we will naturally drift apart. The natural flow of life without any work will cause us to drift apart instead of drift together. Jesus says this in Matthew 6:33, “Seek first his kingdom and all of these other things will be given unto you.” It’s the same thing in our relationships; it requires work that means first seek the image of Christ and everything else will fall into place.

Early on in Candace’s and my relationship, I did forget this very simple truth. Well, let me take you back to when we were married. There were wonderful things that I loved about Candace. I loved the fact that she was a Christ follower. I loved the fact that she loved children. I loved the fact that she was a thinker and she could appreciate a diverse array of situations and realities. But there were a few things I wasn’t crazy about. I wasn’t crazy about the fact that she seemed to have a very strong will and she had her own opinion, a strong opinions about certain things. But, you know what? I was convinced that in no time at all, I would have her just the way she needed to be! MY! MY! MY! How confused I was.

It all begins by working on our own stuff. By first aligning our image with the image of the God. See, you can’t get away from God. How can you hide from yourself? We were made in that image, in that perfect image. The perfect image has a characteristic and that’s the characteristic we have to work on before we work outside of ourselves. We do that by coming together in worship and hearing the word of God. It empowers us to work on ourselves. We do it by prayer, we do it by taking on the characteristics of Christ, becoming humble, merciful and forgiving - all the things we’ve been working on through this series. That’s how we get started.

Candace is with me today. She has agreed to go back down memory lane, and we’re going to take you with us. We came together as two, making a commitment to come together as one. It didn’t take much time at all before things got complicated. Well, Candace, let’s go back.

[Brian] Remember the very first time we were having an intense conversation and I think I got a little loud?

[Candace] I recall you yelling.

[Brian] So I was yelling?

[Candace] Yes, you were.

[Brian] Then I moved a little closer to you than where we are now. I was about this close.

[Candace] Closer.

[Brian] About this close?

[Candace] Closer. 

[Brian] So I was loud and I was this close.

[Candace] You were yelling and you were that close.

[Brian] I remember you got a little excited, right?

[Candace] Yes, I did.

[Brian] What happened next?

[Candace] I almost bit your lip.

[Brian] I remember this well. It was right around year five and praise God, in October it will be year 18. During that intense conversation I remember my 5’ 3”, 100 lbs soaking wet, light brown-eyed, caramel chocolate delight, transformed before my eyes and resembling more of a grizzly bear.

[Candace] I remember my God-loving, educated, good looking husband transforming into a raging lunatic--one who had lost his mind and my God assignment was to help him find it.

[Brian] Well, I remember it was a very tense time in our relationship. That was a huge moment but thank God, God intervened and that led us to our very first board meeting. We knew that we had to sit down and discuss things that had never been discussed before. We had to figure out what was taking control, what buttons were being pushed, how we got this far so we had our very first board meeting. Do you remember some of the discoveries that came out of our first meeting?

[Candace]  Yes, I remember several issues surfaced at this board meeting, and some things were revealed that were hidden. Some of the anger kind of surprised us. There were several things that both of us expected of each other. We never said it out loud or wrote it down, but we expected these things of each other. And they caused major problems. One key issue I remember was the expectation that Brian had. Every day when he got home from work, he expected dinner to be on the table. Well, Brian worked 40 hours, I worked 40 hours. So in my mind, whoever made it in the driveway first had full access to the kitchen. I saw no reason for me to rush in and fix dinner if he was already home. But that was an expectation he had and it was hidden behind some upbringing issues - some of our foundation caused this. Brian would go off to work, work two hundred percent and come home and just relax. Well, an expectation that I had is that you come home and give two hundred percent just like you gave at work. I never said it, but when he came home and relaxed, a different side of me came out. So we had these unspoken expectations that led to a lot of issues.

As a result of the board meeting, we learned that we needed to communicate on a different level.

[Brian] It was like the light had come on in a dark room. Take for instance my expectation of dinner being on the table when I got home. I hadn’t even really uncovered the fact that some of my anger was coming from that expectation. We talked about how my mom worked at home and that was the picture I had of my mom and my dad. I didn’t think about how unrealistic it was in our situation for that to happen. We realized it when I first started speaking about how my mom cooked every day when in reality my mom might have cooked twice a week at the most. We had a large family, so she would just blend meals she had cooked. There were plenty of leftovers, so that was part of the deal. The main point I want to share with you is that you can really transform your marriage and when you, “Engage your mind before you engage your mouth.” When you start to get anxious about something and try to verbalize it, identify what you’re bringing to the table. Identify what it is that you haven’t processed yet; work on that relationship and your self image that God has called you to be.

There was something else that happened, this was in year 2000. When I came home after seminary class, I couldn’t wait to share with Candace what I learned that particular day. I was insSeminary and working full time. I was in a Systematic Theology class and Dr Kenny was the teacher. A student came in; he was kind of broken, he said, “Doc, I’m getting ready to get a divorce.” We called Dr. Kenney “Doc.” The class that day turned into a pastoral counseling session. The student went on to tell his story, and he was passionate about it. He said, “Doc, I’ve been called to the ministry. I’ve been called to put my hands on the gospel plow and I’m looking forward. I’ve been called to build the kingdom, Doc, and I know God has called me to this. I’m passionate about it and I must do what God has called me to do. So, I told my wife that she can shape up or ship out.” Dr. Kenny said, “Now how did that work for you?” There in a state of brokenness the student lowered his head and said, “Doc, she told me that me and my God could go to the high place.” Dr. Kenny, in his pastoral leadership role, put his arm around Steven and said, “Steven, I want you to understand that God has called you. I know he’s called you because you’re breathing. The fact that you’re breathing means that you’ve been called into existence by God, for a purpose by God, which is ministry. But this is what I want you to remember. He said, “Take that passion you have and remember that ministry and building the kingdom starts in your living room. It starts right there at home.”

Something went off in my mind and I had this new, gained energy. When I’d leave work or class to go home, I realized that my primary ministry was at home. If I could get it right at home then everything else will be added unto my life. That transformed Candace’ and my relationship.  We began to realize that we had to work. If we wanted deeper stuff we had to work harder and we had to work harder for the self image that we shared. Both of us were made in the image of God in two different package, but we had to work on that. What we did is we instituted a meeting of the board. Every week there is a board meeting where we come together to look at what we’ve done right and what we’ve done wrong and decide how we can do better. We pray together each week. There’s an article in the Dayton Daily News put out by Marriage Works of Ohio and they say if you communicate with your spouse just sixteen minutes a day, it will drastically increase the effectiveness of your relationship.

One of the things we do is touch base twice a day. We touch base around lunch time, and I also touch base with Candace before I go home. There’s one other thing we realized: if Mamma isn’t happy, then nobody’s happy. That communication has transformed our lives. We also entered into a home Bible study to see what this image looks like. From there the Bible tells us that through the power of Christ we can celebrate our differences. Celebrate, that’s right; literally celebrate the power of Christ. When God made oxygen and hydrogen they were very different, right? But when they came together they made a brand new substance called living water. God wants the basic family unit, the marriage bond, to create this new living water. Isaiah 61 tells us that instead of looking at our differences and saying, “Oh, man look how different we are,” we can start dreaming about how those differences can come together and createt brand new possibilities. Isaiah 61 says we can put on the garment of praise and take off the spirit of heaviness even in our marriage. We can put on the garment of praise to thank God for our differencesm realizing that together with a little bit of compromise, and a little bit of give and take, this new creation can be something that the world is dying to see.

So we can even celebrate when she wants to go out to the movies or we can celebrate when he just wants to sit home and watch ESPN. We can even celebrate when she drives way too fast, or you can celebrate when he’s in a zone driving way too slow. You know even in our differences we can laugh and we can learn to celebrate when she wants to take her time and smell the roses and take in every moment, or we can celebrate when he’s in a hurry rushing everyone, not just to be on time, but to be early. We can celebrate; there is time enough to celebrate. We can celebrate when you ask a yes or no question and she gives you a five-minute answer, or we can celebrate when you ask a question that should be full of details in the answer and all you get is a yes or no answer. We can celebrate. You can celebrate letting her have her way and soon you’ll be able to celebrate having yours. [Brian to Candace]Thank you, I love you.

[Brian continues] You know one of the awesome things about Ginghamsburg Church is that we provide tools for everything. We have a huge toolbox, and we have tools to work on our marriage and our relationships. One of the things starting June 13 is called “I Do Gatherings,” and these gatherings are meant to strengthen our marriage relationships. They’re going be covering tough topics like fighting fair, where’s my remote?, how to date again, and setting dreams together. All of these and much more will be covered during those sessions. We also have Dinner by Design and you can sign up for it at the Welcome Center. Dinner by Design is on June 18. Learn what it is to come together and date again as Chef Todd prepares an awesome meal right here in the worship area. There are many ways that we can improve ourselves this way. 

This is a perfect time and a perfect way to end this series on relationships as we prepare for Holy Communion because it was the power of Christ giving us the visible image of the invisible God and in giving us the power to create bonds that we could never dream would bring about this new life. Remember the power that came from the life, death and resurrection of Jesus in communion. Remember when Christ gathered with his disciples in the upper room, it was there that he took the bread and said, “I am ushering in a whole new world. He took the bread, he broke it, gave thanks to God and told his disciples to take and eat; “This is my body which is given for you.” On that night, he also took the cup and said, “This is my blood, the blood of the new covenant, a new covenant where there will be a new marriage.” He said, “I’m going to go away but when I return we will be in this marriage relationship, the church will be my bride and we will come together in this covenant. I am going give you the power in the meantime. If you’re single or married, I’ll give you the power to understand the new bond that I am creating and the church will be the basic building block that continues to grow and build the family of God. Take and drink.” Amen.